


Lullaby

by unsaidesires



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Vulgarities, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 09:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4014118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaidesires/pseuds/unsaidesires
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chapter 136 of Tokyo Ghoul, just sadder. Character death. That's all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lullaby

_In that moment, he realized..._

* * *

"Haa... Ha..." Hide sloshed around in the dark murky water. He did not know which direction he was going, but he just knew he had to go.

Go where, he wondered.

The loud splash that echoed earlier had disappeared, and what was left was his loud panting and the desperate beating of his heart. It was ringing hard in his ears as he tried to go faster. His legs were about to give way, and the water was pushing him back rather mercilessly.

But he had to go faster. As fast as possible. As fast as his legs could carry him. Before it's too late.

He exhaled sharply, as if laughing, _Before it's too late, huh? I think it already is..._

He shook his head, chasing away that thought.

He nearly stumbled and tripped over his own feet every now and then.

_Almost there._

Then he saw something. Something darker than the water he was submerged in. Something darker and scarier.

But _he_ wasn't moving.

He slowed his footsteps and inched closer bit by bit.

No, it wasn't that 'something' that was scary. It was Hide himself who was feeling scared.

_He_ was laying flat in the water, unmoving and still. Hide held his breath, trying to listen for anything... Any hint that _he_ was still alive and kicking, just _breathing,_ even.

Nothing.

He exhaled loudly this time, and his heart started to pump with all its might again.

He went closer.

It - _He -_ was silent.

For a moment there, no one was breathing. Not even Hide.

Gritting his teeth, he waited. He waited and waited.

He waited for something to happen - for _him_ to mutter his name. Or even whisper, or mouth it. Anything, anything was fine.

He waited.

In fact, he had waited for months. He had waited for _him_ to come back and say something. Or maybe even just brushing past him, anything, really, as long as they can meet. As long as he can see _his_ face again.

As long as—

Hide dropped to his knees, his clothes instantly painted with dark water droplets. Cautiously, as if handling glass, he reached out and took Kaneki by the shoulders and lay his head down gently on his laps.

It felt heavy. His head and shoulders felt heavy.

The burden that was forcefully placed on them was heavy.

Hide felt it all. He felt it all first-hand. The burden was still there even after he...

Hide swallowed and but his heartbeat did not slow.

There was literally pin-drop silence in that dark underground tunnel. Only the muffled pitter-patter of the rain could be heard.

Hide opened his mouth and then closed it again. He was staring down at Kaneki, unsure whether he himself was even breathing or not. He could not hear his heartbeat anymore, in fact, he couldn't hear anything in particular.

He opened his mouth once more, "Kaneki..." His voice sounded hoarse.

Silence.

"Kaneki... Kaneki," Louder. "Kaneki... Kane...ki..." His voice died down and faded into a breathless whisper. "Ka... neki..."

Biting his lower lip, he looked up into the darkness as he tried to steady his breathing. He knew that as soon - if - he ever loses his control just one tiny bit, he would burst out crying. He really will. So he bit harder, sucking in all the tears. As painful as his throat might be from holding them back, he held on.

_Because Kaneki held on longer than he did._

His breathing steadied, he looked down. _Shit, it's coming back again,_ Hide looked away.

_Hurry... I must not..._

"Hey, Kaneki..." Hide turned back. "Come on, man! Stop playing jokes with me already!" He forced a short chuckle.

_You never did._

"Hey..." Hide nearly choked on his tears. "Wake up, man. It's... It's getting late."

His breaths were getting louder and faster with each word he said. He looked up again and repeated the earlier ritual.

"Wake up, Kaneki... Wake up," Hide whispered. "Wake up... Wake..." When his voice was nothing more than a breath, he stopped.

That was him almost hitting his limit.

He started to inhale quickly and exhale slowly, trying to push back the tears. He then forced a crooked smile and said softly in a somewhat nostalgic voice, "Hey, Kaneki... do you remember that song you heard on the radio once?"

Pause. Silence.

"Just once. And... And you were like, addicted to it." He exhaled sharply.

Another breathless and dry chuckle.

"Then you told me to help you download it into your phone so you can listen to it... Before you sleep..." His voice started to tremble, but he forcefully pushed the pieces of his composure, which were about to crumble apart, back into one piece. His breaths were louder now, bouncing off the pitch-black walls and screaming back at him, reminding him that he was about to cry.

But he mustn't.

Because he never cried in front of Kaneki before, not even once.

He didn't want to let him down, even if he's...

"Can I..." Hide touched Kaneki's forehead, which had gone icy cold a long time ago.

_How I wished I ran faster.  
_

"Can I... Sing it to you?" He forced another smile and continued. "You never heard me sing before, right?"

His smile disappeared into thin air.

"But I'm not quite sure of the lyrics... So maybe I'll hum it to you instead..." He cupped his cheek. "I hope you don't mind..."

Softly, he hummed the song. It was a melodious and slow song that Kaneki fell in love with the first time he heard it.

He said it "harnessed a sad and depressing tone, but at the same time, it's full of hope and love."

Hide hummed steadily, but he could not help the fragments of memories flood his mind as he hummed each note.

_Memories_ \- how passionate Kaneki was when he talked about _The Black Goat's Egg,_ how desperate he was when he pleaded Hide to help him download the song, how gentle and soft his smiles were, how embarrassed he was whenever Rize and him made eye contact by accident, how helpless he looked when he was getting teased by the older children... And how happy he was whenever Hide came to rescue him, only to get hurt in his place - _are ever so fleeting._

Soon, it wasn't humming anymore.

Hide's voice broke and he coughed on his tears which had broken past the gates and were starting to flow down his cheeks mercilessly.

His gentle hums soon turned into soft sobs, then into loud wails. He couldn't hold them back anymore; he was at his limit.

Among his tears and between his cries, he whimpered pitifully, "Kaneki... Kaneki... Kaneki..."

His hot tears dropped onto Kaneki's face which looked so peaceful, in complete contrast with his tear-stricken one.

Hide cursed under his breath, but nothing came out, just more tears and helpless moans.

"Fuck... Fuck!"

He screamed for the first time.

And that was when he finally submitted to the only thought which had been lingering around aimlessly in his mind :

Kaneki wasn't going to wake up anymore.

* * *

_Everything disappeared.  
_

 


End file.
